Second Helpings
by AibouFTW
Summary: This can't be happening. But, sure enough it is. Those emerald eyes, that kind smile, that football-shaped head…Yeah, there's no mistaking it. He's here. ...and I need to get out before he notices.


This started because my friend, Aiyta, had been wanting me to write a rather... _intimate_ fic of Arnold and Helga, with the prompt "Second Helpings." And now, months after I've already completed it, I have the balls to post it here. Hope you enjoy!

Also, I guess it needs to be said: I don't own any of the characters in this story.

Sorry, one more disclaimer, because FFN seems to be very touchy with this: **this fic will contain a sex scene and quite a lot of swearing. You have been warned.**

For real, hope you enjoy! :)

* * *

This _can't_ be happening.

But, sure enough it is. Those emerald eyes, that kind smile, that football-shaped head…Yeah, there's no mistaking it. _He's_ here.

 _Fuck_.

But, then again, why am I so surprised? This is a sort of "Reunion Party" shindig that Rhonda Wellington-Lloyd had organized for the entire class as a way to catch up on the latest gossip that _had_ to have transpired since we graduated college. Why _wouldn't_ he be invited too?

Well, luckily he hasn't noticed me yet; he's far too busy being courteous and talking with the other party guests. Maybe it's not too late. Maybe if I just slip right out through that door over ther-

"Oh, _there_ you are Helga!"

 _Fuck_ , maybe not. Trying not to show how much I'm panicking, I turn to see none other than Miss Princess herself, dressed in nothing but her favorite designer brands. God, did she have to announce my name so fucking _loud_? Why doesn't she just construct an entire billboard with my picture and neon signs while she's at it? Shit, I shouldn't have agreed to go to this party…

"I was looking _everywhere_ for you!" Rhonda gushes, totally not caring about the fact that I want nothing more than to get away. Wait, what am I blabbering on about? It's not like she can read my mind or anything! "So tell me! How was college? Oh, I bet you had a _marvelous_ time! I hear Bennington has the _hottest_ men! Have you managed to score-"

"I think I'm gonna get something to drink. You know, to get my throat lubricated for all the gossip I have stored up in this old noggin of mine." Oh thank the _heavens_ I managed to interrupt her! I don't think I could stand hearing her pry on about _that_ aspect of my life. Especially when… _he's_ right there, not even five feet away.

Rhonda's brown eyes immediately light up at the mention of "gossip." Man, she's _really_ not hard to read, is she? At least she seems distracted. For now. "Oh, of _course_! How could I _possibly_ have a party without serving beverages? What kind of host would I be?"

 _Still a nosy one_ is what I _want_ to say, but I somehow manage to refrain. As tempting as it is to have her get so infuriated that she kicks me out of the party, that would only bring even _more_ attention to myself, and that is the _last_ thing I want to happen. Right now, my sole priority is to get out of range from those emerald eyes.

All I do is nod my head before dashing away to the kitchen. Okay, I'm good. He's nowhere in sight; I can finally breathe again. And, awesome, there's no one here for the time being, so I can have plenty of time to sort out my thoughts as I lean against the island counter.

Jesus, what is _wrong_ with me? I've _never_ been this afraid of him. Sure, he always sets my heart aflutter and my insides turn to mush when I hear that velvety voice of his. But usually I can compose myself enough to at least _talk_ to the guy! For years, I've been over giving him nothing but insults; something that Dr. Bliss would be overflowing with pride about. Before we graduated and moved on to college, I was able to be _somewhat_ friends with him. Phoebe and Gerald were dating at the time, so I had no choice _but_ to be more civil toward him. Well, they're now _engaged_ , but at least that doesn't mean I have to tag along on their dates anymore, now that we all live in different cities. So _why_ am I acting like such a spaz tonight? Is it seriously because of what happened last wee-

"Oh hey, Helga, I didn't think you were coming tonight."

 _Fuck_. Well, speak of the fucking devil.

I whip around to see him standing at the entrance to the kitchen, in all his glory. A small smile plays at his lips, those green eyes boring into mine. Fuck my life.

Okay, you can do this. Just take in a deep breath and think before you spill bullshit from your mouth. You've got this, Helga old girl! "Why _wouldn't_ I come tonight, Football Head?" Great way to _not_ sound like a total bitch. How old am I? _Nine_? "Last I knew, I was Princess's friend too."

Arnold shrugs as he takes a spot next to me, resting his elbows back against the counter. "I dunno, I figured the whole 'excessively sophisticated Rhonda-style party' wouldn't be your thing, you know?"

His smile fades when I turn to give him the coldest glare I can muster. Serves him right. "No, I _don't_ know. You saying I'm not _sophisticated_ enough for this party?"

Arnold's eyes widen. "No! I mean…" He looks away, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck. "I didn't mean to say it like that. What I meant was, I didn't think you would be into something so…what's the right word? Ornate? Or maybe ostentatious? I guess I'm just trying to say that I figured you would enjoy something a little more… _genuinely_ classy than this rip-off." He shakes his head with an awkward chuckle.

I can't help but smirk at the sight of him blundering like an idiot. He's so cute when he's nervous! Wait a minute…why would _he_ be nervous? It's just me. I'm not someone to be nervous arou-

Oh god. He must be thinking of It too. Yes, that "it" needed to be capitalized. It's a pretty big thing. I'm talking about the incident, not the size of his-oh _fuck_ , I can't even keep my _thoughts_ in line anymore! Either way, Arnold is thinking of It and the idea of that doesn't settle well with me.

Somehow, I manage to hide my tension as I let out a sigh. "Okay. I'll let it slide this time, Football Head. But you better watch out or next time you might have to deal with Old Betsy and the Five Avengers!"

Arnold lets out a hearty laugh as he returns his gaze to me, his eyes twinkling with mirth. When that laughter subsides, his lips pick up on one side, turning his smile into quite a salacious smirk. Oh _shit_ , what is he thinking? Do I even _want_ to know? Have I ever seen him make that face before? Why do I have a feeling that this isn't going to end well? "I dunno, Helga. After last week, I think I might _want_ to schedule an appointment with them. That is, if they're still in business."

Holy shit, he did not just. Oh god. I can't even. Huh? Also, is it just me, or is it getting really _hot_ in here? Aw, fuck me, I'm blushing and I know it! "Nope. They've long since been retired and out of commission."

His smirk doesn't falter. "Well, that's a shame."

Oh god. My heart did _not_ just skip a few beats. Suddenly, things have taken a turn towards the uncomfortable. Luckily the kitchen just happens to be empty, except for us. Shit, you really need to get out of here, Helga old girl! You attempt a smirk as you push yourself off the counter, but it probably looks like a forced grimace. "Well, I guess I'll just leave you to your woes while I go find Pheebs. It's been a really long time since I last saw-"

A warm hand is at my arm, preventing me from taking any steps farther. I turn to glare at the owner of that hand and _fuck_ the look on Arnold's face makes my heart feel like I'd just run a marathon. His eyebrows are furrowed, his lips curled downwards in a stern frown. "Helga." _Shit_ his voice sounds just as unyielding as he looks. "Don't think I'm going to let you run away this time. Especially after you-"

"Hey Arnold, my main man!"

Fantastic, I've been saved by Gerald! And, _wow_ , I _never_ thought I would ever be saying that! But yes! Gerald is the _perfect_ person to interrupt a situation like this! A friend. An oblivious friend who wouldn't know they were walking in on an intense conversation! This is absolutely _perfect_!

After letting go of my arm like it was on fire, Arnold raises his hand to give his signature handshake to Gerald. Is it just me, or does his smile look forced? "How are you doing, Gerald?" he asks.

"Not so bad! I can't believe we haven't had time to get together after you came back to Hillwood!" He laughs as he hangs his arm over Arnold's shoulder, bringing him closer. "We gotta catch up!"

Arnold heaves a sigh as he attempts to push Gerald away, but to no avail. "Uh, not that I wouldn't love to, Gerald! But, uh. I was kind of in the middle of somethi-"

"Oh! How _wonderful_!" I clap my hands together in mock delight. Seriously, there is _no_ way I'm going to let such a brilliant opportunity pass me by! Especially when I need it most! "Two best buddies getting the chance to catch up after a long time of not speaking to each other in person! It's so touching, it actually brings tears to my eyes! I think I'll leave you two alone now so you can have some quality time together! And to find some tissues!"

Arnold's eyes narrow as Gerald grins, giving me a thumbs up. "Sweet! I never thought I'd say this, but you seriously are the _best_ , Pataki!"

I can't help but laugh at Gerald's ignorance as I give him a mock salute. "Anytime, Geraldo! Smell you geekbaits later!"

And just like that, I am out of the room. Whew! That was a close one! I really did _not_ want to have that "talk." Not with him, not with _anyone_. I haven't even talked to _Phoebe_ about this yet, for crying out loud! And I talk to her about _everything_! _Especially_ when it deals with the topic of… _him_.

Okay. I need to bail out of this party, before shit _really_ hits the fan. Well, I've got my purse and wallet and everything, so I think that no one will really notice if I leave right now-

"Hey Helga! Did you get your drink yet?" _Fuck_. Princess just _happened_ to find me again. She flips her black hair before raising a hand, beckoning me. Oh god, could she possibly be wearing any more jewelry on that hand? She could illuminate the entire room into a disco party. "Oh, be a doll and come join me and Tad! We both can't wait to hear about your adventures at Bennington!"

Repressing the urge to roll my eyes like an indignant child, I smile as I head over to where Rhonda and her boyfriend are standing. Man, I _still_ don't even know how she managed to get together with _Curly_ of all people…and _still be together_. Well, actually their relationship has been more of an "on-again-off-again" relationship, but _still_. I mean, I guess he's gotten better looking since he got rid of that bowl-cut hairstyle and improved his wardrobe. Oh well; that's a mystery to be solved another day. At least I can rest in peace knowing that _someone_ managed to get together with their long-time crush and make it last.

"Hey there, Pataki! Long time no see!" Curly hollers as he gives my back a firm pat. "How've ya been? A little birdy told me you're gonna be publishing your next novel soon!"

I shrug. "A little birdy, you say? By any chance was that little birdy wearing a Tiffany necklace and Caprini heels?"

Rhonda and Curly both laugh at my sarcasm, thinking that I was making some kind of joke. "Oh, Helga!" Rhonda gushes. "How did I forget how hilarious you were?"

 _Maybe because sarcasm always went over your head when we were in high school?_ Man, it's a good thing I'm more practiced at reigning in my tact filter. Or else I really _would_ get kicked out of here! I need to remember: getting kicked out will only bring more attention. Something I can't afford.

Curly's the first one to stop laughing. "So tell us, Pataki! Is this release gonna be a sequel to _The Boy and the Umbrella_? Or something new?"

Rhonda lets out a dramatic sigh. "Oh I do hope you write a sequel, Helga! As much as I _loved_ your writing and the story, I just wasn't a big fan of the ending."

Oh great. There goes my heart again, ramming against my ribcage like I had been running away from a hungry tiger. Wait, with the look on Rhonda's face, I can't help but think that my analogy might be accurate. "Oh really?" is all I can utter.

"Yeah. I mean, you would have to be _senseless_ to read that book and _not_ think that Hailey and Aaron were absolutely and positively _meant_ for each other!"

 _Funny you'd think that. With the fact that I'm the living proof of how true that story is and all_. Yeah, that wouldn't go so great if I said that aloud either.

"You _are_ writing a sequel, aren't you? Please tell me you are."

Curly laughs, placing his hand on Rhonda's back. "Cupcake, I know you were very upset with that ending, but let's not pressure her. I for one truly enjoyed the bittersweet sorrow that Hayley found herself drowned in at the end. Depressing but brilliant!" He turns his gaze to me. "So what kind of novel will it be, Pataki? Or is it supposed to be a secret kept under wraps?"

My chuckle is awkward as I rub my arm. My heart still hasn't stopped pounding. Why do I always feel so self-conscious when people bring up my work? I should be _proud_ , dammit! It was on the _New York Times_ Best-Sellers List for months! Is it because these are my old classmates from back in the day? The same ones I was deathly afraid of baring my soul to? Or is it because the… _subject_ …of that story is _more_ than loosely based off of the same person I'm trying to avoid? "Well, you see, uh…about that-"

"Helga!"

Criminy, I never thought I would be more excited to hear the high-pitched voice of my best friend. How does she always know when to save me out of a sticky situation? I don't even try to contain my glee as I turn to face her, only to be tackled into a bear hug. "Hey there, Pheebs," I say between laughs as I return her embrace. "Long time no see!"

Phoebe pulls away enough to look up at me. It never ceases to amuse me how, even after all of these years of me knowing her, she never managed to grow past my shoulders. Sometimes I think I could fit her in my pocket if I tried hard enough. "Tell me about it, Helga! I haven't seen you in person in two years! You look _great_!"

"You can say that again."

 _Fuck_.

Why is this happening? What did I do to deserve this? And why is my heart picking up its pace again?

I look up over Phoebe's head and, yep, there he is. His smile is lopsided, his eyes half-lidded, as he leans against the wall. Holy shit, I can just _tell_ he's checking me out! Wait. Why is that a _bad_ thing?

Gerald's at his side, laughing. "Mmmm, mmmm, _mmmm_. I can't help but agree with them, Pataki. When did you get so _hot_?"

Oh great, now I'm blushing again. I can just tell in the way the room suddenly feels like someone raised the temperature another ten degrees. Who knows? Maybe it can get even hotter so I can actually melt into a puddle. _Anything_ to get me away from here!

"Oh hey there again, Arnold!" Rhonda crooned. I swear, there's nothing she hates more than not being the one dominating the conversation. Oh well, as long as the attention isn't on _me_ , I really couldn't care less. "Enjoying the party?"

Arnold chuckles as he and Gerald walk toward us. Oh good _lord_ , he's standing close enough for me to feel his arm brush against mine. Is he doing that on purpose? Does he realize what exactly he _does_ to me? "Yeah, Rhonda. I have to say, you really outdid yourself this time."

Rhonda laughs. "Arnold, you're too kind! Oh, _please_ tell me you've all tried the hors-d'oeuvres I had the chefs prepare tonight! They're simply to _die_ for!"

This time, I don't hold back the eye roll as I cross my arms. I think I might have also accompanied that with an exasperated sigh. I mean, _criminy_ , can she be any more _pretentious_?

A snicker makes its way to my ear. I turn to find Arnold smirking at me. It's like he's agreeing with me or something.

Phoebe nods her head with enthusiasm. "Actually, I must admit I'm quite fond of the bruschetta!"

Gerald also gives a curt nod as he wraps his arms around his fiancée's waist. "Yeah, and whatever you did with the eggs was pretty good."

Arnold's smirk stretches out into a grin as he joins in. "Yeah, everything was just wonderful." His gaze meets mine and _shit_ did his eyes just darken? "Completely irresistible. Makes you want to get some… _second helpings_."

He. Did _not_. I mean. _What_? I'm glad I wasn't holding any glasses or anything like that, because I'm sure I would have dropped them all over the floor.

Nervous out of my skull, I look around to everyone else in this little conversation circle to find that no one seems to have picked up on Arnold's… _not_ so subtle double entendre. Thank god.

"Oh, I could definitely do with some second helpings myself," Gerald chimes in. Again, thank _god_ he's only oblivious when I need him to be! That quality of his has saved me quite a lot tonight already!

"I would certainly like some more myself!" Phoebe chirps. "Perhaps I can try some of the other dishes as well!"

Rhonda laughs again. "Don't fret, my honored guests. There are _plenty_ to go around!" She turns to Curly and places her hand on his shoulder. "Tad? Would you be a dear and bring some plates for everyone?"

Curly's grin stretches from ear to ear as he lifts Rhonda's hand off his shoulder and holds it between his. "Anything for my girl." He looks at all of us. "What do you want me to get ya? Some more hors-d'oeuvres? Some dessert?"

Gerald's entire face lights up at the sound of 'dessert.' "Man, there's dessert too? Okay, I don't care what you get me. Just surprise me!"

Phoebe giggles, enamored with her fiancé's enthusiasm. "Actually, if I recall correctly, there might have been some blueberry tarts that caught my eye. I would like one of those, if you still have them."

I look over to Arnold. For some reason unknown even to me, I'm dreading his answer. He shrugs as he looks over to Curly, a pleasant smile gracing his lips. At least he looks more like his normal self. Hopefully, whatever bold streak he's been displaying tonight has ebbed. Everything can go back to the status quo.

"Hmmm, I think I'm definitely up for some dessert." He holds his fingers to his lips in thought. Criminy, that shouldn't look as sexy as it does. "By any chance do you have any _blondies_?"

I guess I spoke too soon.

 _Fuck_ , I actually have to cover my face with my hand. Oh dear god, let no one notice the blush making its way across my cheeks. Curse nature for making me so pale! But _seriously_? When did Arnold get so shameless? I can only hope everyone's still oblivious. I barely manage to take a fleeting glance at everyone to gauge their reactions. Phoebe and Gerald are smiling at each other, lost in their own world. Rhonda's looking down at her manicured nails. Okay, so far so good. I then look at Arnold to see that _fuck_ he's looking at me again, a shit-eating grin threatening to take over his whole goddamned beautiful face.

Curly only grins as he gives Arnold a thumbs up. "Well, you're just in luck then! We happen to have some _very_ delectable blondies!" He nods his head, his expression changing to one of thought. "Okay, blueberry tart for Phoebe, a surprise for Gerald, a blondie for Arnold…Oh yeah. Is there anything you want, Pataki?"

Great. Now everyone's looking at me, no doubt noticing how flustered and uncomfortable I must look right now. Just fucking _peachy_. I jump out of my skin when I feel someone place their hand on my shoulder. Seriously, what is _wrong_ with me tonight?! I turn to see that, oh thank god, it's just Phoebe. Her brows are furrowed in concern. Yep, she noticed. "Helga. Are you all right?"

I let out another awkward chuckle, rubbing my arm. "Yeah, I'm okay, Pheebs. I'm just, uh. Not hungry right now."

Rhonda joins Phoebe in touching my shoulder. "But Helga. I don't remember you eating anything tonight. You're surely not sick, are you?"

Twiddling with the hems of my pink cocktail dress, I try my hardest to avoid Arnold's gaze. I can sense him looking at me, probably feeling smug that he's the one ruffling my feathers for once. I show Rhonda the best smile I can muster. "Don't worry about it, Princess. I just had a big dinner before coming here is all."

Rhonda's concerned look only lasts another few seconds before her usual phony smile replaces it. "No worries. All right Tad, could you go get the desserts then?"

Curly's grin only grows wider as he kisses his girlfriend on the cheek. "Why certainly, my fair mistress."

After Curly frolics out of the room, Rhonda moves her gaze to Arnold, her lips curling into a smirk. "So Arnold, I didn't know you were much of a blondie person."

Gerald laughs as he elbows Arnold's side. "Yeah, man. I would have bet my college degree that you were going to choose the raspberry tarts. Hell, I didn't know you even _liked_ blondies, since I've never seen you eat one before."

Arnold shrugs. "I dunno, Gerald. I'd never really had the chance to try one." The side of his mouth picks up in a slight smirk. "That is, until I had the pleasure of seeing one at the post office, oh, about a week ago."

I seriously can't fucking believe him. Now he's even mentioning where we bumped into each other last week? How did I fall so hopelessly in love with him, again?

Gerald raises an eyebrow at that. "Wait a minute…Did you just say, 'the post office'? As in, the place where we send mail?"

"Yeah, Gerald, I'm pretty sure I did."

Phoebe places her hand to her chin in thought. "That's peculiar. I don't recall ever seeing confections being handed out in post offices. Was there some kind of bake sale?"

Arnold shrugs again. He's all about the cool, Mr. Suave shrugs tonight, huh? "I guess you can say that." He adjusts his position and _shit_ , did he just move closer to me? Like, I swear I can feel more than just the slight brushing of arms. If I budge even a centimeter, I would bump into his chest, and holy _fuck_ , that is the _last_ thing I want right now. Does he seriously not know what he _does_ to me? No, wait. I think he knows _exactly_ how he affects me. He chuckles, his voice a lot closer to my ear than before. With everything in me, I repress the shivers that threaten to wrack my very core. "Anyway. Ever since I tried that blondie, I've been searching high and low, all over Hillwood, just for another taste. I'm so glad I was able to find another chance here."

Oh _god_. Kill me now. How has no one picked up on his double meanings? The way he's showing that smug grin, the way I'm so hot right now steam has _got_ to be bursting out of my ears, the way I haven't moved a single muscle in the past few minutes.

Phoebe giggles. "While I certainly admire your passion for your new favorite snack, Arnold, I do have to inform you that you can find them at the Corner grocers, in the bakery section."

Okay. That's fucking _it_.

Before Arnold even has the chance to respond with anything further, I turn to Phoebe, placing my hand on her shoulder. "Hey, Pheebs. I just remembered: I don't think I've shown you the pics of my trip to Paris yet! You've just _got_ to see them!"

At hearing "Paris," Rhonda gasps, bringing her hands to her mouth in shock. "Shut up! You went to _Paris_?! _When_? Oh, you _have_ to show me those photos too!"

I jump at the electric jolt that suddenly makes its way down my spine. Oh fuck, Arnold. He. Actually placed his hand on my back. Oh I think I could just die right now. And I'd be happy about it too, especially if that half-lidded smile was the last thing I saw before leaving the land of the living. "Yeah, I'd like to see them too, Helga."

No, Helga! Snap out of it! The goal is to get out of here! Not to admire an impossible dream! "Yeah, I'll get to that! But I just realized that I left my phone in my coat pocket. Well, I promised I'd show Pheebs the photos first anyway. I'll go show them to her first and then I'll be right back!" I grab onto her wrist, dragging her behind me out of the room. "Come on, Pheebs!"

"Coming!"

When I am more than certain that I've escaped their gaze and gotten out of earshot, I pull Phoebe into a more abandoned hallway. When I turn to look at Phoebe, I notice that she looks worried once again. "Helga, seriously. Are you all right? You seem rather off."

Before I can stop myself, I grab onto both of her of her shoulders in a vice grip. I hope I'm not scaring her. "Pheebs, I _have_ to get out of here! _Pronto_!"

Phoebe's eyes widen at my words. I don't usually look this panicked unless it's about something serious. Or, at least, that's how it is now. I can't say the same about the past. She places her hands on my elbows, only looking more worried. "Oh dear. I couldn't help but notice how you seemed rather…uncomfortable earlier. By any chance, does it have to do with-" Her eyes are now the size of dinner plates, as if she just had an epiphany of some sort. "Oh, this is about _him_ , isn't it?! About Arno-"

I cover her mouth with my hands before she can utter another syllable. "Don't say it so loud, Pheebs!" I hiss through my teeth. "And yes. Who _else_ would it be about?!"

"I fail to see why you're so distressed, Helga. If anything, he's been nothing but amiable towards you. Unless…" She lets out an audible gasp. "Did something happen between you two that I don't know about?!"

Dammit. She is just _way_ too smart for her own good. I guess that's how she's been my best friend. I stare at her, my eyes also wide, hoping against hope that she's somehow gained the ability to read my mind, so I don't have to actually say it out loud. But, alas, my intense stare fails to work. Well, I guess I'll just have to come clean. Oh boy.

"Okay, Pheebs. What I'm about to tell you doesn't leave this hallway. That also means no blabbing to Geraldo. You will keep your lips sealed, _got it_?!"

Phoebe shows a soft smile as she brings her finger to her lips, miming the action of zipping them shut. "Sealing!"

How did I manage to get - and keep - such a good friend? I swear, I don't deserve her. Okay, I'm stalling.

I take in a deep breath. You can do this, Helga old girl! She's just your best friend. Nothing negative can come from this. "Yes, something happened. Or, at least, I _think_ so."

When Phoebe stays silent, I take that as my cue to continue. "It happened last week, at the post office. I was sending a parcel out to my editor, who had been nagging me ever since I got here. Criminy! I guess a writer can never catch a break, can she? Anyway, that's when I saw him. Or, should I say, he saw me.

"We spent the afternoon catching up. Since we couldn't spend all day at the post office, we decided to hang out at a café. Eventually, we moved our little get together over to the bar. And that's where everything went to shit."

Phoebe's biting her lip. Oh man, it's so obvious she's trying to refrain from squealing. "Oh, Helga! This is wonderful! I don't know how you could think it's terrible! It sounds like you had a great time!"

"But I haven't finished yet, Pheebs!" I run my fingers through my hair. Oh god, I must look like such a fucking _basket case_ right now!

Phoebe's brows furrow once again. "Oh no. You two had a fight, didn't you?"

My face heats up again as I avoid her gaze. "If only it were that simple, Phoebe."

"So you _didn't_ have a fight then."

"Well, yeah we did, but then. We kind of. Uh…"

"What happened, Helga?"

Okay. Again. You can do this! Remember: Phoebe promised to keep her mouth shut. "So then we kind of sort of. Well. How can I say this? Weslepttogether."

There. I said it. I don't care if it came out as incomprehensible jargon. I said it, and now I can go home. Right?

Phoebe just gawks at me. It feels like an eternity before she opens her mouth to speak. "I'm sorry, Helga. I didn't quite catch that. You did what?"

Oh god, I feel like I'm about to explode. From humiliation or anxiety, I'm not sure. There's nothing I want more right now than to just crawl into a hole and disappear for eternity. God, _how_ old am I again?! I need to take this on like a _woman_! I finally look at Phoebe right in the eyes. "I slept with him, Phoebe."

Her eyes light up, her hands flying up to her mouth as she lets out a high pitched squeal. "No way! Oh my god, Helga! This is. Oh my god! This is what you've been waiting for, right?!"

"Yeah, I _guess_ so, but-"

"But what?! You make it sound like the… _experience_ … wasn't enjoyable!"

"It was, Phoebe! Probably one of the best nights of my life, actually." Oh god, _why_ did I have to admit that?

Phoebe only looks more and more annoyed at me. " _Please_ at least tell me you finally conveyed your repressed feelings toward him!"

I find myself avoiding her gaze once again as I rub my arm. Nervous habit, I guess. "No, I didn't. Actually, I left his apartment before he woke up."

"You did _what_?! _Why_?!"

I can't help but glare at her. "It was a one night stand, Phoebe. There's no way anything good can come of that!"

"Oh, Helga. You know as well as I do that sleeping around would be out of character for him. This all must hold some kind of significance to him. That's why he-" Phoebe gasps, even louder than last time. "Oh my god! _That's_ why he was going on about that preposterous story of-! Oh my god, Helga! This is a good sign!"

Before I even realize what she's doing, she jumps behind me, her hands pushing at my shoulder blades. Luckily, I haven't lost my reaction time in all this hullabaloo and manage to place a hand on both sides of the hallway, stopping Phoebe from pushing me any farther. "What the hell do you think you're _doing_ , Phoebe?!"

"You _have_ to tell him, Helga! After _seventeen years_ of not telling him, he _deserves_ to know, don't you think?!"

I whip around, once again gripping onto Phoebe's shoulders. "But Pheebs, there's _no_ way I can confess to him _now_!"

Wow, Phoebe looks no longer concerned. Is that…frustration? "I don't see why not, Helga. Actually, I think that this might be the most opportune time to finally disclose your inclinations toward him."

I heave out an exasperated sigh. "Phoebe. These are my romantic feelings we're talking about, not a goddamn neuroscience project."

"You still know what I mean. I guess to say in - well, _your_ terminology – this is the best time to completely open your heart to Ice Cream."

I facepalm so hard, I've got to have a red spot on my forehead now. "I can't believe you actually just called him _Ice Cream_. I thought we had agreed that we were _never_ going to bring up that embarrassing nickname after we graduated _elementary school_."

Phoebe giggles. "Why? I find it rather cute." Whoa did I just see Phoebe's eyes light up with…Wait, why does she look like she knows something that I don't? "Anyway, Helga. You need to tell him, to stop hiding behind those walls you put up for yourself."

"But Phoebe, that would make me just. I just. I dunno. I _can't_ , okay?!"

She rolls her eyes and crosses her arms. "Give me one logical reason why not."

I sigh again as I wrap my arms around myself, my gaze dropping to the floor. Oh god, if I can't talk about this kind of thing with _Phoebe_ , how can she expect me to do the same with _him_? "Because it would leave me completely naked, Phoebe."

"But, Helga, he's already seen you naked."

"That's not what I mean! I mean. Figuratively speaking. I've known that football headed geek since _preschool_ , and all that time I've had at least _some_ amount of dignity! Some form of security, knowing that if I shed another layer, and he doesn't like what he sees, I can bounce right back. Pheebs, if I bear my entire _soul_ to him, and he rejects it, I'll…I'll…I know I just _couldn't_ live through that."

At the feeling of Phoebe placing a hand on my shoulder, I finally meet her gaze. The previous signs of aggravation have vanished, leaving only concern. "Oh, Helga. You know him better than that. As I've stated previously, sleeping around without any meaning would be rather out of character. Arnold embracing you like that - in more ways than one, I might add - should indicate that he's serious." When I don't say anything in reply, she continues. "Helga, you really need to talk to him."

"You know, I couldn't agree more myself."

 _Shit_. His voice – that smooth and slightly husky voice - is right behind me. I think my heart actually stopped. I should probably call an ambulance or something. Or maybe I should just die right here. Yeah, that sounds good right now. Especially since he'd probably just heard quite an earful.

Phoebe, damn her, only looks up at Arnold with a smile. Why do I have the feeling that she knew he was there? "Oh, hello there, Arnold."

"Hey yourself." I can't stop the shiver at the sound of his voice. Fuck, why does he have so much power over me? "Oh, Phoebe. Sorry to interrupt you guys, but I think Gerald wanted to ask you about something. He sent me over here to get you."

Phoebe's smile only grows, now a grin. "Don't worry about it, Arnold. Helga has a _lot_ of things she wants to tell you." She glances at me and oh _god_ did she just wink? "Talk to you later!" And before I know it, she's out of my sight.

Oh god damn her. I take back whatever I said about her being my best friend. Maybe I should go looking for someone new, like that one time way back in fourth grade. That could work, but who could I choose? Well, Rhondaloid over there has been warming up to me-

Oh god, I guess I don't need to go to the hospital anymore, what with that jolt of electricity. Oh fuck him. All he did was lay a hand at my back. Seriously, what is he, a fucking defibrillator? I resist the temptation to look at him. The _last_ thing I want to see right now is whatever smug expression he's got plastered on his face. Maybe if I shut my eyes tight enough, I can convince myself that this is all a dream. A very terrible dream that I will wake up from any minu-

"Helga, are you okay? What is it you want to tell me?"

Oh wow. He doesn't sound smug at all. If anything he sounds…worried? I draw in a deep breath. It can't really be _that_ bad…can it? "Arnold…how much of that conversation did you hear?"

He sighs. "Enough."

Great. Just what I was afraid of. Oh lord, just kill me now. Send down a lightning bolt from the heavens and strike me down. But somehow make it where it only hits me and somehow doesn't conduct its electricity over to Arnold, since he's resting his hand on my back. Yeah, I think I could take on a good electric sho-

"Helga. Phoebe's right. We really need to talk."

 _Fuck_. And what makes it even worse is the fact that he's totally right. Phoebe's right. Hell, probably _Rhonda's_ right, and she doesn't even know what the hell is going on between us. If anything, this could be my chance. My chance to let down my guard in front of him. Come one, Helga! You can do this! Just be nice. Just be nice. Don't be a bitch. Just be nice…

"Talk about _what_ , Football Head?" Great start, Helga. You'll really going to woo him now. "What could we _possibly_ talk about that your stupid face doesn't already know?"

The hand on my back is tense. This can't be good. "You mean, other than _everything_? Last I knew, you're still a complete mystery."

Fuck, I can't take anymore. I finally turn around to face him, immediately regretting that decision the moment I see his expression. His eyes are livid pools of green, his lips twisted to a frown. It only makes me angrier. "And how the _hell_ can I possibly still be a 'mystery' to you?! You heard every last embarrassing word I said just now! I don't think there's anything _else_ about me to learn! I think we can wrap this up now. Case closed. Mystery solved."

I attempt to walk past him, to retreat into the cover of the party, but he grasps my arm. "No, Helga. There's no way in _hell_ I'm going to let you escape from this again." His grip on my arm tightens. "And _nothing_ or _nobody_ is going to get in the way this time. Not Gerald, not Phoebe, not even Rhonda or Curly. Right now, you are _all_ mine, and I'm _not_ letting you go until I finally get some goddamn answers."

Oh criminy, the disturbingly pleasant tremor that inundates me at those words. _All mine_. Shit, he's really serious about this, isn't he? "Shouldn't you be getting back, though? You'd just ordered a blondie not that long ago. Curly's going to be wondering where you are."

I feel a sharp tug at my arm, and next thing I know, I'm pinned against the hallway wall. Arnold's got my shoulders in a death grip, his body so close to mine that our chests brush against each other with each ragged breath. It takes every fiber of my being not to turn into a trembling fit. His eyes narrow. "Helga, I know better than anyone else at this damn party that you're not that dense. You _know_ I wasn't talking about the confection."

I try my best to match his glare. "Let go of me, Shortman. _Now_."

His hold on my arms only tightens. This will probably leave behind a bruise, I just _know_ it. "No."

"I'm serious, Football Head. You need to let to let me _go_."

"Not until you answer me."

I hold his gaze, staring him down. No one can withstand the patented Helga G. Pataki scowl! His own scowl only intensifies. Yeah, he's not backing down anytime soon. _Fuck_ , it looks like I can't win. I close my eyes, take in a deep breath, and then meet his gaze again. "Not here," I hiss through my teeth.

He raises an eyebrow. "What?"

I rip my gaze away from his, analyzing our surroundings. Good. This hallway is still abandoned, which means no one will notice if we… _disappear_.

I take in one more deep breath, trying to gather all the energy I can muster. I'm going to need it. In his slight confusion, he doesn't expect it when I suddenly push at his chest with my hands, shoving him away. Before he can regain his grip on me, I beat him to the punch by grabbing onto his wrist.

"What the hell, Helga?! What part of 'not until you answer me' did you not understand?!"

I whirled to glare at him. "Well, what part of 'not here' did you not fucking understand, _Arnoldo_?! If you want your goddamn answers, you're going to have to follow me, lest you _want_ to have an audience!"

Without a word, he lets me lug him down the hallway. Luckily, Rhonda has a pretty large house, perfect for setting a good distance between us and her party. It's not until I see an opened door that I stop. I peek in to see a plain, empty bedroom, with mundane bedsheets and a single set of drawers. A guest room. _Perfect_.

I yank him into the room and lock the door behind us, shrouding us in pitch darkness. I grope around the room for the lamp at the nightstand. After we're enveloped in light once again, I turn to face him, crossing my arms. "Okay, Sherlock. You want answers? Then ask me your questions. Hit me with your best shot."

"Why did you lock the door?"

I throw my hands in front of me, my fingers wide open. Why does he have to be so fucking _dense_? " _Seriously_ , Football Head? I'm finally willing to answer your stupid fucking questions, and _that's_ what you choose to ask first? _Why the door is locked_?!" I heave an exasperated sigh, pinching the bridge of my nose. "I figured if I locked it, no one would interrupt us."

He lets out a small chuckle, rubbing the back of his neck. "Well, I guess that makes sense. Thanks for answering that one; I was just really curious."

Not in the mood to deal with his bullshit (as cute as it may be), I narrow my eyes to another scowl. "I _thought_ you wanted to ask me questions? Wasn't that what this whole tirade was about?"

In a flash, that sheepish look on his face melts away into his former glare. "Okay. Why did you leave me last week without so much as a note? Or a phone number? _Anything_?"

 _Shit_. _Why_ am I so fucking surprised? I _knew_ he was going to ask that! "Because it was a one night stand, _Arnoldo_. Last I knew, that meant no strings attached."

His eyes widen, his jaw dropping. He lets out a pathetic sound, as if he's trying to speak but can't find his voice. Finally, he rakes his hand through his unruly cornflower locks. "You thought that was a _one night stand_?! That's all it was to you?! A _one night stand_?! A fling?!"

I clench my fists at my sides. Yeah, this would be the worst time to hit him, wouldn't it? " _Wasn't_ it, though?! Tell me how an argument that somehow turned into sex can be considered as anything _other_ than in the heat of the moment!"

His shoulders stiffen, his eyes flaring with an anger I don't think I've ever seen in him. Whoa, what's _his_ problem? What nerve did I hit? "Oh, don't you _dare_ start spewing that bullshit again!"

"What part of that was bullshit? Why _else_ would I sleep with _you_ , let alone share a fucking _bed_ with you if I hadn't been caught in the-"

"I swear to god, if you say 'heat of the moment' again…"

When did we get so close to each other? Last I knew, we were at least a few feet apart. Now we're in each other's faces, just about nose to nose. Wow, I guess I was so focused on getting him off my back that I failed to notice us inching closer. Oh well. What could possibly happen?

I raise an eyebrow at him, my lips forming a smirk. "Or you'll _what_?" When he doesn't respond with anything other than a glare, I narrow my eyes again. "We were caught in the heat of the momen-"

His hands are at the nape of my neck, pulling me to him. Before I can register what's happening, he swoops in to capture my lips with his.

Wait. _What_? What the actual _fuck_? Weren't we arguing not even a second ago? How is this. Why is he. _Huh_?

As quickly as they came, his lips pull away. However, they remain close enough for me to feel his warm breath. "I swear to death, Helga," he sighs into my mouth. I can feel his lips move against mine as he talks. "You're fucking _impossible_ sometimes."

He slides his hands down my shoulders, fingers tracing my spine. I gasp without meaning to, and he grasps that opportunity to shove his tongue in my mouth. I think I may have officially died and gone to Heaven. Sorry, Helga's not here right now, please your message after the beep.

An embarrassingly loud moan escapes my lips when he caresses the roof of my mouth in _just_ the right way. Arnold _growls_ , further deepening the kiss. Before I can stop myself, I wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him closer. _Fuck_ , I just can't get enough. My heart is pounding so hard against my rib cage that it's threatening to burst out and I honestly can't get _enough_.

Arnold's hands are now at my back, fingers clawing at the fabric of my dress as he pulls me closer with enough force to almost hurt. He lets out another growl when I slide my fingers into his hair, pulling at his golden locks. His lips are relentless against mine, his tongue still exploring every nook and cranny of my mouth. I want to give him the same treatment, but he's not having any of that.

I have to pull away enough to let out a surprised yelp at the feeling of my back hitting something hard. Wait. Is that the wall behind me? When did we back up? Arnold wastes no time, his lips kissing a trail across my cheek. Oh _fuck_ the tremor that wracks my very existence at the feeling of his hot breath in my ear. And _shit_ , I swear I can feel his lips curl into a smirk.

My hands are now at his back, nails digging into his shirt. If only I could take the damn thing _off_ , so I can feel his _skin_.

"Helga," he breathes into my ear. Oh _criminy_ , his voice; it's huskier than normal, I can't. Well, if my crotch wasn't throbbing before, it surely is now. Oh god, I can't afford to have a repeat of last week, but his hands are now groping at my chest, and _fuck I need_ _more right now dammit_!

"Helga," he repeats, probably thinking he didn't have my attention before, which is probably true. I can't help it when his voice is just _dripping_ with pheromones! "I know you're hiding something from me."

I bite my lip to quell the moan that threatens to escape at the feel of him thoroughly mouthing at my ear. "I'm not- _ah!_ -hiding anything, F-Football Head."

He nibbles on the shell, eliciting another sound from my throat. "Oh, don't even try. I'm onto you and that 'heat of the moment' bullshit. I know it's bullshit. You know it's bullshit. That damn excuse didn't work then, and it certainly isn't going to work now."

 _Fuck_. I _knew_ it would be too good to be true to think that he would have forgotten that royal fuck-up of mine. _Criminy_ , why did I have to do that all those years ago? I'm such a fucking _idiot_! The only thing I can afford to do is play ignorant. "I-I don't know what your- _oh god!_ "

Arnold had placed his knee between my thighs, now rubbing against my crotch. He only chuckles in my ear at my reaction before sucking on my earlobe. Goddamn him. "Are you saying you don't remember?" He chuckles again before picking up the pressure of his leg, provoking another groan from me. His mouth moves down my jaw, leaving a trail of nips and kisses. "Well, let me jog your memory then."

My groan turns into an actual yelp when his teeth bite down on _just_ the right spot on my neck, his leg still rubbing against me. Goddamn him for remembering all of my weaknesses from our escapades last week! Wanting more contact, I lift one of my legs and hitch it around him. Arnold grunts into my neck as he reaches his hand down to my other knee, lifting my leg to join its partner around his hips. Now that all of my limbs are wrapped around him, I pull him as close as I can.

Now that he's done with massaging my chest, Arnold slides his hands around to my back. My heart jumps when he grips at the zipper of my dress, yanking it down. I quake underneath him as he caresses my back, as if exploring unchartered territory. By the time he reaches his hands for my shoulders to pull down my dress straps, his mouth has reached my collarbone. As he slips the dress off my shoulders and down my chest, he moves his mouth down as well, now kissing the previously covered area.

My breath hitches in my throat when he pays extra attention to the area between my breasts. I gasp when he fondles one of them, his thumb circling around the nipple. "So we were, what? Nine?" he murmurs into my skin. "And we were on top of that building. Oh, what company was it again? Something like…" He nibbles on my skin. "F." He moves his lips to the swell of my other breast. "T." His lips are now at my nipple. Oh _fuck_ it's like I forgot how to breathe. "I." With that last letter of the company's acronym, he opens his mouth around the nub, now sucking on it.

I bury my face in his hair, quivering as the familiar scent of ocean spice fills my nostrils. My fingers are once again pulling at the strands. "Oh _fuck_ , Arnold!"

Oh _fuck_ no. I did _not_ just say his name. Oh god, I can't let anything show-

Arnold groans as he bites onto my nipple, his fingers roughly pinching my other one. Oh god, this is starting to become too much. "I pestered you for answers. Why would you say goodbye to the possibility of getting rich just to help the boy you tormented every day? It just didn't make sense to me."

I scream when he moves his hips against mine, positively _grinding_ me into the wall. Oh god, it's a good thing we're pretty far away from the party at the moment.

He starts to chuckle, but it gets interrupted by a groan of his own. It's then I realize that- _fuck_ , how is he already so _hard_? Is he seriously as turned on as I am? "And do you remember- _mmm!_ -what you said to me, Helga? _Do_ you?"

 _Of course I do, my love. I'll remember that fuck-up until I am long dead and rolling in my grave_. But of course, I don't say that out loud. Wouldn't want him to think I'm bat-shit crazy. Oh, who am I kidding? I'm a fucking _basket case_! "N-No," I whimper. "Mind's totally blank."

A pang of disappointment hits me when Arnold stops moving his hips. Why the _hell_ would he do that? He wants it just as much as I do. He also moves his head away from my chest. Seriously, what the actual _hell_? I open my eyes (whoa, when did I even close them?) and _fuck_.

His eyes are half lidded, those emerald irises now a deep hunter green. His lips are parted and his cheeks flushed. His lips pick up on one side as he looks me up and down, seeming to like what he sees. "I think you said something like…Hmmm…what was it?" One of his hands glides down my chest, over my dress, and to my thigh. I bite my lip when he starts caressing the skin. "Was it that you liked me? No, that doesn't bring back any memories, does it? At least not for me."

As soft as a feather, barely even there, he shifts his hand underneath my dress, now caressing my stomach. "Or was it that you… _liked me-liked me_?" His smirk intensifies as his hand slides down to my crotch, no doubt feeling the wet spot on my panties. Oh _fuck_ , he's got me now. "I think we're getting closer…"

At the feeling of such warmth down there, I bring my hands to his shoulders, clutching desperately at his sleeves as I try to abstain from bucking my hips into his hand. Goddamn this fucking son of a bitch. Oh how I really hate him. And yet…

"Ah, maybe it was that you… _loved_ me?" He bites his lip - oh fuck him, that shouldn't look so _hot_ \- as he slips his fingers inside the fabric. So oxygen? Totally not a thing that exists anymore. I honestly think I've forgotten how to breathe. His smirk is downright _sinful_ as he takes note of my reaction. "I think we've just hit the jackpot."

Oh fuck, he has me - quite literally - wrapped around his finger. Each subtle movement or twitch causes my entire body to jolt and quiver. My toes curl, my legs wrapping tighter around him. My back arches into him, silently begging that he'll continue all of those delicious movements with his fingers. When I manage to somewhat catch my breath again, I glare at him to the best of my ability. "Fuck you," I groan between my teeth.

Arnold only chuckles, the bastard, as he continues his ministrations. "Are you saying you're denying what you said?" He shakes his head as he tsks at me. "You should know better that that's not going to get you anywhere, _Helga_."

Oh mother of god, the moment he says my name is when he brushes against that super sensitive bundle of nerves. I grip onto his shirt sleeves so hard, my knuckles have got to be white. "I- _ah!_ -I really f-fucking _hate_ you, Football Head."

His smirk dissipates, now looking stern, like he's about to scold a child. "Why are you doing this, Helga? Why are you throwing those walls up again? Why are you so set on hiding from me?"

He only circles those nerves faster, really taking advantage of how embarrassingly wet I am. I slam my head back against the wall, shutting my eyes. God, I can't look at him anymore. "I…no…not hiding- _ah!_ "

"Helga." Holy fucking _criminy_ , when did his voice get so close to my ear again? I bite my lip again as a moan threatens to escape. "Stop hiding from me. Tell me the truth. How do you feel about me?"

"I…I… _Arnold_ , I can't!"

He doesn't stop the movement of his fingers, or the mouthwork at my ear. "Tell me, Helga."

Oh fuck, he really has me cornered, doesn't he? I can't. I mean. For cripes sake, I can't just reveal _everything_.

 _I think that this might be the most opportune time to finally disclose your inclinations toward him_.

 _Fuck_ , Phoebe! Why is your voice haunting the very recesses of my mind right _now_? This isn't the best time!

 _This is the best time to completely open your heart to Ice Cream._

 _You need to tell him, to stop hiding behind those walls you put up for yourself._

"Tell me," Arnold breathes, his breath hot in my ear. "What have you been hiding from me?"

 _You need to tell him_.

 _Criminy_ , I can't take it anymore!

"I-I am desperately and madly in love with you, _okay_?"

Whoa, did Arnold's breath just hitch? And his fingers have ceased their movement. As disappointing as that is, it's probably for the best right now, because I'm going to fucking _explode_ and drown him with word vomit!

"I've always loved you, ever since I was three, when your stupid football face sheltered me with your umbrella that rainy day. 'Why didn't I do anything about it?' you might ask? 'Why did I treat you like total shit if I was so in love with you?' Well, _you_ try pouring out your heart and soul and throwing everything on the line to the one person who showed you kindness, just for them to reject you! Or, even worse, _laugh_ at you! Hell, I was _already_ being laughed at by our classmates when I showed signs of affection for you! So what else _could_ I do? Other than put up those walls around me, build a reputation for myself so that _no one_ could ever overlook me, or even _think_ about calling me the wrong name.

" _Fuck_ , Arnold. I was nothing but a bitch to you throughout our school lives and what did I get in return? Nothing but kindness. Fucking _kindness_. Kindness I never deserved. 'So why didn't I ever say anything later in life, like before we all graduated high school?' you might wonder now? Well. I mean _criminy_ , Arnold, do you _remember_ your reaction the _last time_ I confessed to you?! During that whole… _FTi debacle_ …and don't _even_ try to deny me here: you were horrified as _fuck_. How could I _ever_ stand to see that reaction again?

"So then we graduated, finally giving me a chance to get over you, which ended up being _impossible_ , by the way. If anything, I thought I was going to be somewhat okay until I found you at the post office last week. That was when the feelings all came rushing back like we had never parted. Oh _god_ , I _know_ you only fucked me because you were looking for a good lay, and I just happened to be the only person nearby that had a past with you. That's why I left you last week. I was too afraid to face the inevitable rejection. So it all winds down to is: _Yes, Arnold. I am fucking in love with you, I always have, and I've been too fucking_ terrified _to tell you!_ "

There. I said it. I finally said it. But _criminy_ , why did I have to gush out _everything_ all at once? What is _wrong_ with me?

When I finally have my breath under control, I hesitantly open my eyes to see that Arnold is now looking at me. Insecurity washing its way from head to toe before my brain has the chance to interpret his expression, I scowl at him. I'm ready to put up another wall if I have to, even though I know deep down that he just single-handedly destroyed every last one of them. "There. You _happy_ now? Is _that_ what you wanted to hear?"

The corners of his lips curl up, showing a gentle smile, his eyes lighting up. Wow, I wasn't expecting _that_. But, then again, what exactly _was_ I expecting? Well, it certainly wasn't _this_. This is most sincere smile he's shown me all night. Arnold raises his free hand to touch my cheek, his thumb stroking the skin. It's almost like he's wiping away-

Holy shit, am I _crying_?

Before I have a chance to dwell on it any further, Arnold leans in closer, brushing his lips against mine. Unlike previously, this kiss is very slow and sweet; I can feel all of the emotion behind his lips. "Yes, Helga," he murmurs against my mouth. "That is _exactly_ what I wanted to hear."

I'm positively trembling underneath him, now drowning in emotions I didn't even know _existed_. I can't even describe it. All I can do is bring my quivering hands back to his head to comb my fingers through his hair.

All too soon, he pulls away. He's still smiling and-wait, why are his brows furrowed? "Or, I guess I should actually say, _almost_ exactly what I wanted to hear."

Huh? Oh god, I hope that doesn't mean what I think it means. "What are you talking abo- _ah! Oh fuck!_ "

Arnold resumes the movement of his fingers, still in the junction between my thighs. In the throes of my impassioned confession, I somehow managed to forget that he had never moved his hand. And did his eyes just darken again? "I can't say I'm happy that you think I only slept with you because I was looking for a good lay. I would have hoped you'd see me a better person than that, Helga. But I guess I'll address that later."

Oh _fuck everything_ , the sensations are hitting me even stronger now and I don't even know why. Is it because I've had a little bit of a breather? Is it because I finally confessed everything and Arnold's not pushing away, at least not yet? I guess it doesn't really matter in the end, because this feels just _too good and he better not stop_.

"So let me tell you about _me_." He leans in to kiss my neck. His lips move down until they settle at the crook between my neck and shoulder, creating another shudder from me. "So I was about, I dunno, nine, when a very feisty young girl - who I honestly believed was my tormentor, mind you - basically cornered me to the edge of a skyscraper, claiming her undying love for me. That's quite a lot for a nine-year-old boy to take in. I also received my first kiss, or should I say, _unscripted_ kiss. And then, let's add the fact that she adamantly took it all back, claiming ' _heat of the moment_.'"

Oh fuck, he just inserted a finger inside me. My fists go back to clenching at his shirt, but this time at his back. I bury my face in his shoulder, trying to stifle whatever sounds are coming out of my mouth.

He chuckles into my ear, his hot breath once again obliterating whatever sense of composure I had. "Little did that girl know, but that memory stayed with me. Even when I had girlfriends, I couldn't help but compare them to that girl. Their confessions were never quite as passionate, their kisses never as mind-blowing. It wasn't until we all went to college that I realized I had set a ridiculously high standard because of that girl. However, I had realized too late, because I thought I would never see her again."

He inserts a second finger to join the first, and _oh god_ , it's really becoming too much. The muscles in my abdomen are already starting to tighten, my thighs around him twitching. "So imagine my surprise when I saw her at the post office last week. What a completely random place. Seriously, if I had gone to any other post office, or had decided to send just a card instead of a package, I would have completely missed her. That whole day, I had a great time with her, and I was _so close_ to hearing that confession once again. After all these years, I could see that her feelings had never resided, and I desperately wanted to make sure that incident at the top of that godforsaken building really was for real."

Oh god, he starts picking up the pace of his hand, his fingers starting to thrust into me instead of their previous sliding. Each thrust leaves me more and more undone and _fuck_ I hope against hope that he doesn't stop that fabulous motion with his fingers _especially now that he added his thumb and he's circling my clit again oh god I'm going to die_. Yes. Death by Football Headed affections. Sounds good to me. I can no longer control my voice, now clinging to his back like he's last lifeline.

Arnold presses a lingering kiss to my temple, a very gentle gesture, before going back to my ear. "You see, I'd been dying to confess my own feelings, but I wanted to hear her first." He chuckles once again, the huskiness of his voice this time melting me into a pile of goo. "The fact that our outing somehow turned into sex was just an added bonus. Hell, it was so much _more_ than that. It was one of the best nights of my life."

His other arm snakes around me to hold me as close to him as possible and _oh fucking hell he is now slamming that hand of his I can't breathe fuck._ "I can't even _begin_ to describe how disheartened I was to find out that that bewitching woman, who has captured my heart since _elementary school_ , after finally being within my grasp - literally _in my arms_ \- had disappeared, without so much as a note or a phone number. I bet you can now picture how thrilled I was to see that she actually _came_ to Rhonda's gaudy party."

Arnold hits a certain spot and my entire body jolts. He must have noticed, because he makes sure to hit that spot again. He switches from finger fucking me to slow and easy, his fingers curling forward to hit that spot that makes me see white. He is seriously unsewing my seams, one stitch at a time. Breathing is becoming harder. My toes curl tighter. My fingers cling more onto his shirt. I feel like I'm going to die. Or pee. Or both.

"If you don't see where I'm going with this, then you're as dense as I once was." He laughs again, this time like he's noticed some joke that's gone over my head. Not that I really care. I just want him to continue what he's doing. He peppers kisses all over my ear before letting out a shaky breath. Wait what? Is he nervous? About what? "What I'm trying to say here, Helga, is: _I am in love with you too_."

Holy _shit_. No really. _Holy mother of fucking criminy_.

My muscles lock up one more time before releasing and pulsating at the same time. It completely takes my breath away. I don't even know which way is up anymore. I hold onto him as tightly as possible because I honestly feel like I'm going to fly away. Where to, I don't know. And I never want to find out. Because I want to stay right here, next to my beloved. _Holy shit_. I can _call him that now_.

 _My beloved_.

Arnold clings to me just as tightly. It's almost as if he fears I'll fly away too. He lays kisses anywhere his lips can reach – my neck, my hair, my temple - all the while whispering sweet nothings into my ear. Maybe I did die. Hell, maybe I died last night in my sleep and this whole party has been a dream. Well, if it is a dream, there's no way in _hell_ I want to wake up now.

He holds me as I come down from my high. When my breathing becomes a little more normal and my trembling has subsided, I pull away. I look into his eyes to see a very happy Arnold. "Arnold…did you really, uh. Mean what you said?"

His smile grows as he leans in to press a kiss to my brow. "Yes, Helga. I meant every word."

Before I can contain myself, I place my hands to his cheeks and pull him in for another kiss. He's quick to respond, his lips immediately moving against mine like he's known how to do it his whole life. Well, I guess maybe he does in a way. I mean, we _did_ kiss three times, all when we were nine. But oh god, the more we kiss, the more I feel a greater urge fill me. "Arnold?" I murmur against his mouth.

"Mmhmm?"

"Can you do something for me?"

He sighs into my lips. "Anything for you."

I shiver at his words, a goofy grin forming at my mouth, internally swooning. Or, maybe not so internal, because I can feel Arnold's lips curl into a smile against mine at the sound. How can _one_ man make me so _happy_? "Arnold, take me. _Please_. I need to feel you inside me."

He groans as he deepens the kiss briefly before pulling away, a smirk playing on his features. "Your wish is my command, Milady."

I can't fight the laughter that rips from the back of my throat. I bury my face into his shoulder as I try to contain myself. "Oh my god, Arnold. You're s-such a fucking _geek_!"

He holds me tighter to him, his hands moving to cup my ass. That feels nice. Wait, there's nothing to support my back anymo-Oh, he's carrying me. I don't have time to question where he's taking me before my back rests against something really soft and plush. Oh, he must have carried me to the bed. I guess my laughing fit really left me oblivious, huh?

After gingerly laying me on the bed, he pulls away and I see that his face has been monopolized by one of his signature grins. The toothy one that stretches ear to ear. It makes my heart swell. "Well, you must be pretty geeky too, since you're so in love with me and all."

I laugh some more at his words. "Speak for yourself."

This time, he joins me in my laughter. "Yeah, I guess I'm not really one to talk, am I?"

When his laughter quiets, his grin morphs into another one of his more salacious smirks. "Well, it looks like it's time to finally get you out of that dress."

I don't resist him as he places his hands at my sides to pulls down my dress. I help him by lifting my hips up for him and he slips off both my dress and my panties in one fell swoop. His eyes darken as his gaze rakes my body, taking everything in. "Beautiful," he breathes.

Okay. That's it. Now that I have my freedom – and I'm not pinned to the wall - I sit up, my fingers already working the buttons to his green dress shirt. I kiss his Adam's apple, reveling in the way he shivers under me. "Don't think I'm going to be the only one naked here, _bucko_."

Arnold laughs as I all but tear his shirt off, already moving on to his gray undershirt. He pulls away to plant a kiss on my nose before lifting his arms for me, helping me lift it over his head. The moment the garments hit the floor, he places his hands to my hips, his thumbs stroking the skin. Before he can have a chance to kiss me again, I beat him to it as I lean in to kiss his collarbone.

Oh god, I've been waiting for this, the moment I can finally touch him like this, to feel all of those taut muscles rippling as I touch his most sensitive spots. I mean. Yeah, I know I had the chance to do this last week, but there's just _something_ about right now. Perhaps it's because I finally revealed everything to him. Perhaps it's because I did that and he actually reciprocated. Perhaps it's because he's returning the favor, his warm hands caressing my skin, as if committing my curves to memory. Who knows? Either way, everything just feels so fucking _good_.

As I'm too preoccupied with rediscovering the perfect planes of his chest, he takes a short break from doing the same in order to undo his belt. By the time he's unzipped his fly, my hands are at his hips, helping him shimmy out of his khaki slacks and boxers. He's barely settled on the bed after taking off his shoes and socks when I push him down so he's sitting on his ass. I open my legs to lay them on either side of him, my hands traveling down to gently grasp his dick.

A loud groan rips from his throat as he wraps his arms around me, pulling me close. " _Fuck_ , Helga," he moans into my shoulder.

Wow, if someone were to tell me years ago that I would one day be naked with _Arnold_ of all people, giving him a handjob, I would have thought they were crazy. Because _seriously_. Who would have _ever_ thought that I'd be here right now, touching him in the most intimate of ways, turning him into putty in my hands? _Fuck_ , this is just too good to be true!

I take my time as I stroke up and down the shaft, even reaching farther down to fondle his balls. I take full advantage of the precome that has started leaking from the head, using it to get rid of the previous friction. Arnold trembles in my arms, grunting incoherent words as he lays open mouthed kisses to my neck and shoulder. Holy shit, this feels surreal.

I cease my movements for a moment when I feel his own fingers slipping past the blond curls of my pubic hair and into the junction where my thighs meet. Oh _fuck_ , the jolt that goes through my system is so strong, I accidentally squeeze a little too tight on his dick, making him yelp in pain. _Shit_ , I forgot how sensitive I still am, especially after all he for me did a little bit ago. I give a kiss to his shoulder. "S-Sorry," I whimper.

He lets out a breathy chuckle as he brings his free hand to my hair. I can't help but relax at the soothing gesture. "Don't be." His fingers resume their attentions, once again rendering me completely useless. That warm glow returns to the pit of my stomach. _Fuck_ , he really knows how to work me into a stupor, huh?

Well, I'll show him. I begin to stroke him again, this time picking up my pace. Oh man, the fucking _growl_ that escapes his throat is so… _animal_ as he bites onto my shoulder. Oh god, I can feel his dick grow harder under my hand. I still can't believe this is happening.

It's all too soon when Arnold stops what he's doing, his hands grasping onto my wrists. "Helga, stop," he murmurs, his breath shaky. "Please s-stop."

Stopping my handiwork on his dick, I pull back to look at him. _Damn_ , just when I thought my football headed love god couldn't look any _sexier_. His cheeks are flushed a brilliant pink, his kiss bruised lips parted. I raise my eyebrow at him. What the hell? He doesn't _look_ like he's ready to stop so why did he…

I think he can sense my confusion, because his lips pick up at the sides as he leans in kiss me. " _Fuck_ , Helga," he breathes against my mouth. "I think you're just _too_ good at that. I was ready to explode."

"Then why did you-"

He bites down on my lower lip, effectively shutting me up. "Well, you see, I'd much rather fully let go and lose myself while I'm, you know… _inside you_."

I shiver at his words. There's just _something_ about the way he talks about sex that really turns me on. Why, though? Is it because most of my life consisted of seeing him as this innocent being on a higher plane of existence who couldn't be tainted? I guess what I'm really just trying to say that he's really fucking _hot_.

"Well, o-okay then. Be my guest."

He chuckles into my mouth as he continues to kiss me. I'm lost in bliss until he suddenly stiffens, teeth biting a little too hard on my lip. " _Shit_ ," he hisses through his teeth.

My heart picks up its pace as I pull away. Arnold's brows are furrowed, like something's really bothering him. "What is it, dear?" I ask as I bring my hands to his face.

He smiles a bit at the sound of my new nickname for him. "I just realized that I forgot to bring protection. I'm so sorry, Helga."

So _that's_ what he's so worked up about? He's so fucking _adorable_! I laugh as I kiss him on the nose. He looks at me in confusion as I lean over the edge of the bed, reaching for my purse. Wow, I was so gone when he kissed me earlier that I hadn't even noticed the purse drop from my shoulder. Man, he _sure_ knows how to kiss!

His hands are at my hips when I return, the confusion on his face only growing as he watches me rummage through my purse. "Aha!" I shout as I find what I was looking for. Arnold's eyes light up at the sight of the square package I hold before him. "No need to worry, Football Head. I've got ya covered. Literally."

He snorts at my bad joke, his mouth stretching into one of those toothy grins of his. "Why, Helga. I never would have thought-"

I place my fingers to his lips before he can finish. "If I learned one thing during my college career, it was: 'Always carry a condom. You never know what could happen.'" I attempt to scowl at him, but that grin on his face is too infectious. "If you've got a problem with that, _bucko_ , then you'll have to take it up to management."

Arnold raises an eyebrow, his grin not fading. "And if I did, who would I talk to?"

I shrug. "I think the name was something along the lines of…oh what was it? Oh yeah. Old Betsy, and her secretaries, the Five Avengers."

He bursts out into laughter as he takes my face in his hands and pulls me in for quick kiss. "I might take you up on that. I think I recall telling you earlier that I had wanted to schedule an appointment with them. That is…" His grin only stretches wider. "If they're out of retirement, of course."

I think my cheeks are actually _hurting_ with how hard I'm smiling, but you know what? When I look at his face, those emerald eyes sparkling with humor, I can't find it in myself to care. "Oh come here, you big lug!"

It's my turn to pull his face to mine, but this time, I make sure it's a lasting one. When he feels my tongue touch his lips, he opens his mouth, granting me access. He sighs against me as I explore every crevice of his mouth, his own tongue caressing mine.

I finally back away, so I can focus on the square package in my hand. Arnold places a kiss to my temple as I rip open the plastic with care, taking out the condom. His breaths become heavier when I grip his dick in my hand again, he groans when I roll the rubber down his length. By the time I finish my work, his hands are on my shoulders. My back hits the mattress before I can even register what he's doing. I can't help but laugh when he grabs my legs, just below my knees, and yanks me over to him. "Hey, you're being kind of rough."

His eyelids lower, his mouth curling into one of the most scandalous smirks I have ever seen on him. "Don't worry, my love." He positions himself between my thighs, his strong hands still on my legs. "You're in good hands."

Oh _fuck_. My heart's stopped. Suddenly I'm nine years old again, on the YMAA gym floor, looking up at a nine year old Arnold through tinted glasses. I can't stop the flowery sigh that escapes my lips, completely swooning underneath him. I don't even want to _think_ about what expression I'm showing him right now. It's probably that really dopey grin. Criminy, the stupid paste for brains probably doesn't even realize that he's fulfilling fantasy after fantasy, does he?

In a flash, Arnold's smirk changes into a cheeky grin. He chuckles as he leans down to kiss my jaw. "You were totally just thinking about that April Fool's Dance back in fourth grade, weren't you?"

"That's none of your _beeswax_ , Arnoldo."

His chuckle turns into a laugh as he kisses up to my ear. "You're so fucking cute, Helga. Did I ever tell you that?"

I think my heart just skipped a beat. "I-I don't think so."

Arnold only laughs again as his lips move to my mouth. "Well, you are."

I moan as he claims my lips with his own, my arms wrapping around his neck to pull him closer. My heart pounds with anticipation when one of his hands leaves my shoulders to position himself at my opening. Here it is. The moment I've been craving for since last week. Well, more like for ten years; it was only amplified after last week. "You ready?" he whispers. Always the gentleman. Doesn't he remember how much _rougher_ it was last weekend?

I nod my head for him anyway, the sensation of nodding while lip locked too funny to handle. I giggle.

I eventually choke on that giggle when he pushes himself into me. My entire body is pulsing, _throbbing_ , and I can't help but cling at his back once again, reveling in the fact that I can now feel his skin under my fingers. I try my best not to show any signs of pain, but _fuck_. Luckily, it doesn't hurt as much as last week, but _still_. It kind of makes me regret that three-year dry spell I had.

However, when we both shudder at the feeling of our naked chests finally pressing up against each other, our hips now fully connected, that regret dissipates. Our breaths come out in ragged pants as he kisses whatever patch of skin he can reach. My chin, the side of my nose, the furrow of my brow. I don't know why, but this time feels more… _special_? Is that the right word?

When Arnold looks down at me, his eyes half lidded, his mouth picking up to one side in a soft smile, everything clicks. While last week was more of a 'heat of the moment, I need to have you right _now_ ;' _this_ time…It's like we're taking our time to cherish each other and the feelings we share.

Oh _god_. When did I become such a fucking _sap_? What happened to the feisty bully who ruled P.S 118 with an iron fist?

"I love you, Helga."

 _Oh_. _That's_ why. Because this beautiful creature above me managed to knock down all my remaining walls. My façade is gone. I am now completely naked before him, both literally and figuratively, and _fuck_ is it liberating. Returning his smile, I let out a breath I didn't even realize I was holding. "I love you too, Arnold. I really do."

With that he presses his lips to my forehead as he finally moves his hips. My head rolls back and I groan as he withdraws only to thrust back in with double the strength. He wastes no time before latching his mouth to my neck, sucking on the skin. His hands are everywhere. Stroking my sides, grabbing a fistful of my breasts, caressing my thighs…it's like he hasn't decided what he wants to do with them.

Arnold finally settles for squeezing my breasts, his mouth now at my clavicle. I wrap my legs around his hips in a vain effort to pull him closer. I just want him _closer_. No, this isn't a want. It's a _need_. One of my hands grasps at his back, fingernails digging crescents into his skin; while my other is at the nape of his neck, stroking the small hairs at his hairline. Now that he knows everything - and actually _reciprocates_ , no less - I just want to pour all seventeen years of repressed feelings into this one night. With the way he only pulls me closer, pounding into me with such force that's going to leave me sore tomorrow morning, whispering my name into my skin like a prayer, I can tell he feels the same way.

All too soon, I can feel the familiar sensation of my muscles tightening and pulsing. No, no, no, _no_! I'm not ready for this night to end yet! I just want to keep doing this until the end of ti-

My entire body jerks when he hits that sweet spot, my vision going white once again. My cry reverberates throughout the room as I pull him closer. He growls into my skin as he takes a firm grasp of my hips, as if making sure to hit that spot again. When he does, he swallows my moans in a deep kiss.

Before too long, I can feel him quivering in my arms. He must be nearing his end too. " _Fuck_ , Helga," he groans. Oh _god_ what his voice does to me. " _Please_ say you're close, love."

 _Love_.

Holy _shit_. He just called me a pet name. Okay, ignore what I said earlier: I think this time I have _really_ died and gone to Heaven. Never to be seen from again. At least by anyone who's _not_ this flaxen-haired angel in my arms. The sound that escapes my lips is a strange hybrid of a swooning sigh and a guttural moan. Arnold only grips me tighter, thrusting into me harder. Oh god. " _Criminy_ , Arnold! I- _ah!_ -I can't!"

He groans as his hand slides farther down my hip, across my thighs, and _fuck his thumb just found its way to my clit again oh holy mother of god_. Obviously expecting my reaction to be rather… _loud_ …his mouth is already on mine, ready to once again drown out any cry of his name as he continues to torture me with _just_ the right pressure of this thumb. My breath catches in my throat. My voice has a mind of its own, only spewing out his name and curses. My entire body stills, trying to hold everything in. I can feel the tension in my muscles coiling tighter, ready to release everything.

I'm on the precipice, about to tumble over into Paradise, but I'm not ready. Oh _fuck_ , I'm not ready. I don't want to stop feeling this good. I don't want to stop being completely at his mercy. I don't want to stop feeling more loved than I ever have in my life. I don't want _any_ of this to stop, but _holy shit I don't want him to stop what he's doing to me every move he's making is sending another jolt of electricity down my spine and fuck I don't know if I can hold on any longer_ -

Arnold's lips are at my ear, his breath hot and wet. _Fuck_. "It's okay, Helga," he groans. "You can- _mmm!_ -let go now. I-I'll be here for you, because," he hisses, obviously trying to hold everything in. "I love you _so much_ , Helga Geraldine Pataki, you don't even _know_."

Wait, how does he know my mid-

 _Fuck_.

Whatever air was in my lungs before is gone now. My body quakes with a force I've never experienced before as I am rendered useless, only able to hold on and ride out the sweet waves of my orgasm. Something about my release breaks something in Arnold, because now his thrusting is becoming more erratic. Finally, I can feel him tense in my arms, his hips locking in place. He trembles as much as I am as he wraps his arms around me and pulls me closer, as if he wants to pull me into him so we can become one body. My heart swells with so much unadulterated _love_ for him that my eyes start to water.

It takes quite a while for both of us to come back down from our respective highs. He peppers lazy kisses all over my face as both of us focus on learning how to breathe again. All I can do is stroke my fingers up and down his spine, touching him to convince myself that this isn't all a dream.

When we've regained (most) of our composure, he brings his face closer, nuzzling his nose against mine in an Eskimo kiss. Holy shit, just like that other dream I had. Back when I was nine. We were married. I was the President of the United States. He was the First Man. And we Eskimo kissed _just_ like this.

Seriously, is this a dream?

"A penny for your thoughts?"

Huh?

Apparently, I had been so wrapped up in my own thoughts that I didn't even notice that Arnold had been gazing at me, his eyes half lidded. When he sees the confusion in my eyes, he presses his lips to the side of my nose. "You've been out for a while."

Heat flushes my cheeks as I avoid his gaze. "Oh, s-sorry, Arnold."

He chuckles as he plants a kiss to my temple. "Don't be. I'm just curious is all."

Well, I _have_ to tell him, don't I? I mean. I think we just made a nonverbal agreement to no longer keep any secrets from each other. "I just can't help but wonder."

"About…?"

"How is this real? I mean." I sigh when I feel his fingers start combing through my hair, gently moving some strands out of my face. "In a single night, you just fulfilled about ninety five percent of all my fantasies. Shit like that just doesn't _happen_ in real life, Arnold. At least, not to me."

It's his turn to sigh. "Helga…" My heart jumps when Arnold places his hand to my chin, gingerly turning my face to look at him. His brows are furrowed in determination, but his lips are curled into a reassuring smile. "I love you. And if I have to spend the rest of my life proving that to you, then I'm more than up for it."

My breath catches in my throat. "How are you for real?"

He chuckles before swooping in to capture my lips with his. "Do you want me to pinch you? Would that help?"

"Nah. The pain in my back tomorrow will probably do all the work for you."

"Sorry, Helga."

I flick his nose, causing him to scrunch his face up like a rabbit. Do I even have to say it again? This geek is _adorable_! "Don't sweat it, Football Head. Did it _look_ like I was complaining?"

He chuckles again. "I guess you're right about that."

I smirk. "Of course I'm right. I always am."

"Whatever you say, Helga."

It's my turn to laugh as he locks his lips once again with mine. Oh _fuck_ , it's like they were meant to fit together. He eventually backs away to plant a kiss to my brow, pulling out of me with as much tenderness as possible. Once out of me, he takes off the condom, ties the end of it into a knot, and reaches over to the side to throw it away. A giddy giggle escapes me when he pulls me tight against him with one arm, while the other rips the blankets from underneath us.

I rest my head on his shoulder as he pulls the blankets over us, encompassing us in warmth. Not that we really need it right now, considering all of the rather _steamy_ activities we did earlier. But I know that if I tell him this, he'll just point out that we'll feel cold later, after the sweat evaporates.

Wow. I can even picture imaginary conversations with him. Just how pathetic _am_ I?

He sits up (and pushing me off of him) for a moment just to turn off the nightstand lamp before pulling me into his chest. I sigh as he peppers soft and lazy kisses to my neck and shoulders. I must be the picture of content right now. And from the way his lips are curled upwards against my skin, I can tell he must be too. We lie there in comfortable silence, sleep threatening to take hold of us.

…

…At least until a nagging thought crawls its way out from the far recesses of my mind. One that will _not_ go away.

"Hey Arnold?"

"Mmm?" Wow, he's probably only moments away from sleep.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Mmhmm."

"How the _hell_ do you know my middle name?"

"Huh?"

"You said my full name earlier. I don't recall ever telling you what the 'G' stands for."

He chuckles into my neck. I shiver when he kisses my hairline. "It was on the 'About the Author' page in your book. Unless you don't remember putting it there."

My heart stopped at his words. _Fuck_. "You. You read my book?"

He nuzzles his nose into my neck. "Of course I did. Why wouldn't I? It was written by the mysterious poetess who had captivated me since _elementary school_ , if I must remind you. I was hoping to discover more of your mysteries in that book. And to support you of course." He pulls me in closer as he moves his kisses to my shoulder. "It was a fantastic read, by the way."

Oh god. Oh _fuck_. I repress the urge to bury my face in my hands. He wasn't supposed to _read_ that book! Especially when the subject matter was abou-

My stomach lurches when Arnold bursts into laughter. "Oh my god. I'm such a damn _idiot_! But oh my god, it all makes _perfect sense_ now!"

Oh no. He figured it out, didn't he? No, maybe he-oh who am I kidding? " _What_ makes perfect sense?" I couldn't hold back the bite in my voice.

" _Everything_! I mean, _The Boy and the Umbrella_? The unrequited love story with a bittersweet ending? The book was all about your feelings for me, wasn't it?"

 _Fuck_. He hit the nail on the metaphorical head.

He only laughs more at my silence. "Oh man, it _was_ , wasn't it? Oh _god_ , how could I be so fucking _dense_? Helga, I really don't know how you've put up with me all these years!"

"You've got a _problem_ with all this, _paste for brains_?"

In one swift motion, he turns me over to face him, mashing his lips against mine. I feel so ready to punch him. But all I do is wrap my arms around his neck and return the kiss. His laughter has calmed by the time he pulls away. "Oh Helga! You don't understand! All this time I've been angsting away in my emotions, wondering about the enigma known as Helga _Geraldine_ Pataki, and the answer was _right on my bookshelf_! Right under my nose! I can't believe I read it five times and _still_ didn't pick up on it!"

My heart picks up its pace. "Wait. You read it _five times_?"

Even in the darkness of the room, I can see that signature grin adorning his features. He looks so _proud_ of himself. "Well, yeah, Helga. It was really good. And I truly wanted to figure you out." He sighs. "Well, now it also makes sense why I hated the ending so much."

"You… _hated_ the ending? Then _why the fuck would you read it five-_ "

Arnold presses his lips to mine. "Well, although I'm normally more of a Happy Endings guy myself, I can normally take a bittersweet one. But…" He kisses my nose. "But this ending _really_ left me feeling frustrated."

"…May I ask _why_?"

"The _entire_ book, since _the very first page_ , I was rooting for Hailey and Aaron to get together. That's another reason why I kept reading it again and again: inside I had secretly hoped the ending would be different. It all makes _sense_ now! I must have subconsciously realized that they're fictional stand-ins for you and me, and I really wanted _us_ to be together! Oh Helga!" He pulls me even closer to him, his lips enveloping mine. "Have I ever told you that you are a genius? That you're amazing?"

I have to admit, seeing _this_ eager reaction from him is making my irritation ebb away. I guess this was one final wall that he broke down. One that I had forgotten was still there. But leave it to Arnold to hunt it down and destroy it. "You know, I really do hate you sometimes."

His grin only grows in size. "And yet…"

I sigh, unable to hide my smile any longer. If he wants me, well he's going to get _all_ of me. "I _love_ you. Your unquenchable curiosity. Your unfaltering sense of right and wrong. Your ability to see the good in people, even when they've been nothing but a bitch to you. Oh, if only I could have found the courage to confess my undying love for you _years_ ago. If only I could have sensed that you were not only going to accept me for who I really am, but also reciprocate my adorations. For some way my doubt-filled mind could have realized that you were secretly pining after me as well. Dare I even think it? Kiss the lips that haunt my girlish dreams? Oh, if only. If only-"

In a split second, his lips are locked with mine, his arms wrapping around my waist to pull me even closer to him. "Do I need to say it again?" he murmurs against my mouth. "Amazing." He presses a kiss to my nose. "Talented." To my brow. "Beautiful." Back to my lips. "And all mine. How did I get so lucky?"

I sigh into his mouth as he continues to pepper kiss after kiss. It's when I let out an unwilling yawn that Arnold finally stops, only kissing the crown of my head one more time before pulling the blanket over us. I kiss his chest before sleep gets the best of me.

* * *

I feel fingers. Warm fingers. _Tender_ fingers. They're stroking up and down my spine with a feather light touch.

I snuggle further into the warmth in front of me, hoping to hide away from the onslaught of pleasant sensations. No such luck, though. The fingers only continue their caresses, sometimes reaching up to brush a hair off my forehead.

No. I don't want to wake up. I'm not ready. Just ten more minutes. Or hours.

The thing is. I had the best dream _ever_ last night. One that will rival all of the ones from past decade _combined_. I had told _him_ \- the love of my life, my prince, my Arnold - all of my concealed feelings and he _actually returned them_. And then proceeded to make sweet, sweet love to me. Yeah, I still want to relish in it. Just for a little longer.

My breath hitches when I feel lips, soft as a puff of air, press against my forehead. What's with all of these nice sensations? Yeah, they feel great, but I thought I made it clear that I wanted to stay in my dreams-

Those lips press against mine and _wow_ does that feel nice. Maybe I _should_ wake up? At least see where these sensations are coming from…

I finally open my heavy, sleep crusted eyes and my heart stops.

So it _wasn't_ a dream.

It's _him_. _Arnold_. In all his glory. The sunlight seeping in through the window shines on his skin and unruly blond locks _just_ right, making him look godly. His emerald eyes are half lidded, twinkling with delight. His smile is lopsided, lazy but sincere. He's propped himself up on one elbow, his hand cradling his face. His other hand seems busy with stroking up and down my spine, leaving goosebumps in its wake. When his eyes meet mine, his smile only grows. "Hey."

I can't help but smile back. "Hey yourself."

He leans in to press his lips once again to mine, and this time I respond. It's not the perfect kiss, what with morning breath and all, but I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. "Thank you, Helga."

Huh? "For what?"

Arnold holds me tighter. "For not running."

I sigh as I nuzzle my face into his chest. "No problem. Except I guess that means you're now stuck with me, huh?"

He chuckles into my hair. "I wouldn't have it any other way."

We hold each other like that for a moment. At least, until Arnold breaks the silence. "Hey Helga?"

"Yes, dear?"

He holds me a little tighter. He must really like the endearing nicknames, huh? "Just like last night with you, my mind is suddenly filled with a question."

"Okay then. Shoot."

"So did you actually go to Paris? Or was that all just an excuse to get away from me and the gang?"

I can't hold it in. I start to laugh into his chest. "I only lied about my phone being in my coat pocket. Or even bringing a coat."

Arnold snickers before pressing a kiss to my head. "Wow, no one ever told me you went to Paris! Why did you go? How was it? It must have been a dream come true, right?"

My heart swells at his enthusiasm. "Well, compared to finally being with _you_ , it wasn't _that_ much of a dream come true, but yeah. It was really nice. I went last year for a few weeks. I used the money I had saved up for the last six or so years as a graduation present for myself. Yeah, I was alone, but it was a very eye-opening experience. Oh, Arnold, I want to go back there sometime."

He pushes me away to look me in the eye again. He's smiling at me like…he's _proud_ of me. Wow. I still can't believe it. "That's so great, Helga. You really deserve it."

"Thanks, Arnold." Then a question pops into my head, begging to be answered. "And, while we're asking each other questions, can I ask you one too?"

"Sure. Fire away."

"So the whole 'Gerald wants to talk to you about something' excuse to separate me from Phoebe. How much of that was the truth?"

Arnold's eyes twinkle with humor. "Oh, all of that was complete bullshit."

I stare at him incredulously before cracking up. It's quite a while before we calm down.

"So…can I see the pictures of Paris?"

"Later. For now, cuddling."

He laughs. "Okay."

And once again, we're enshrouded in silence. It's really nice, but soon an air of uncertainty fills the room. From the way he holds me tighter, I can tell he feels it too. "Hey Arnold?"

"Yeah?"

"So what now?"

He pulls back enough to look me in the eye. From his furrowed brow, I can see that this has been a point of conflict for him too. "That's a good question. For starters, I think I would like us to date. Be a real couple. What do you think, love?"

A lovesick sigh escapes my lips, and oh god it's probably being accompanied by that goofy grin. I still can't believe it: Arnold. _Loves_ me. And he has a _pet name_ for me. I feel like I could die all over again.

He smirks as he pecks another kiss to my mouth. "Come back to me, love. I need your insight."

I giggle as I punch him in the chest, not even hard enough to bruise of course. He only laughs. "Well, for starters, I would _love_ to be your girlfriend."

Arnold grins as he gives me a kiss. "Fantastic."

"And as for the other stuff…I don't know, Football Head. You know and I know that we both live in different cities, which is going to make things more difficult."

He sighs. "Yeah. But only a _little_ more difficult. In this day and age, with FaceTime and Facebook, we can _easily_ keep in touch."

I roll my eyes. "Well, FaceTime might be a thing for _you_ , Mr. Sunshine Always-Has-To-Look-On-The-Bright-Side Shortman, but it isn't for me."

His eyes widen, clearly exasperated. "So you're telling me that you not only fail to have a Facebook account, but you also don't have FaceTime."

"I have an Android, paste for brains."

He just stares at me, subtle shreds of panic marring his features. I only laugh at him as I kiss him on the nose. "But I have _Skype_ , Arnoldo!"

Arnold relaxes. Was he seriously _that_ worried that we would never see each other again, even if we had kept in touch over the phone? "Okay, Skype it is, then."

We remain like that for a while, in each other's arms, his fingers resuming their ministrations on my back. His eyes stare off past me, his brow creased, obviously very deep in thought. Finally, I decide to break the silence. "Penny for your thoughts, Football Head?"

His eyes dart to mine at the sound of my voice. "Sorry, Helga. I was just thinking."

"About…?"

He smirks as he gives me a fleeting kiss. Yep, he totally noticed the parallels to our conversation last night. "Move to Berkley."

Huh? "What?"

"You heard me. You're a writer, which means you can live anywhere, right?"

"Yeah, I guess so."

"So you should just move to Berkley. You can continue your blossoming writing career, I can finish my doctorate…oh, Helga, it'll be _perfect_!"

Holy shit. Is he implying that-No way. But maybe?

"There's only one problem with that, Romeo."

His mouth pulls down to a slight frown. "And what problem would that be?"

I shrug. "I dunno. I can't just blindly move to Berkley, looking for a place to live. It would be-"

"That's why you would move in with me."

My breath hitches. Holy _shit_. He really _is_ implying what I thought he was! Oh fucking _shit_ , this is becoming more and more of a dream come true!

However, before I could admit my approval, Arnold grabs onto my shoulder, his expression dead serious. "Helga, I. I know it might be a little fast, asking you to move in with me right after we just decided to be a couple, but." He grips me a bit tighter. "Helga, I love you so much, and I can't stop mentally smacking myself for not trying to make a move on you sooner. I would really like it if we could, I dunno, make up for lost time?"

I let the calming weight of his words settle over me. When I think I'm ready to speak like a normal human being again, I wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him closer. "Oh _Arnold_! That was _exactly_ what I was hoping you would ask! After last night, I feel the same way about the 'making up for lost time' bit. Oh darling, if I could live with you _right now_ , I totally would!"

His arms wrap around my waist, somehow pulling us even closer together. "Really? You really mean that?"

"Doi!"

At the sound of my classic exclamation, Arnold bursts into a fit of laughter, me following after. It feels really nice. Arnold and me. Laughing into each other's arms. Being completely in love with each other. I still can't believe this isn't some sort of really vivid dream!

When our laughter subsides, Arnold suddenly grabs my shoulders and pins me to the bed, crawling on top of me. My laughter has only come back with a vengeance. "Arnold! What are you do-"

He silences me with a rough kiss, his tongue not at all hesitating to find its way past my lips. I groan under him. "One more time," he murmurs into my mouth.

Without a second thought, I wrap my arms around his neck again, pulling him clo-

"Oh Tad!" Rhonda's voice echoes throughout the house. "Would you be a dear and help me pick out an outfit for today? I really want to look my _best_!"

"No problem, my sweet!" Curly's voice replies.

In an instant, Arnold and I pull away, our eyes wide.

Somehow it escaped both our memories that we totally just fucked in one of Rhonda's guest rooms.

 _Shit_.

" _Shit_ ," Arnold hisses through his teeth. I guess his thoughts really are mirroring my own. "We need to get out of here."

"No _shit_ , Sherlock."

"But how? Are we seriously going to reveal to _Rhonda Wellington-Lloyd_ that we just had sex in one of her guest rooms?"

I look behind him and notice the window. I can't help the smirk that forms my lips, my old scheming ways resurfacing after being dormant for so many years. "I think I have an idea."

Before he could question my thinking, I push him off of me so I can stand up and _oh fuck_ the pain that shoots up my spine. Yep, I _told_ him I would hurt this morning. Arnold's immediately at my side, rubbing my back. "You all right, love?"

I turn to him to show him a smile. "Just a bit sore. Thanks for that, by the way." I give him a quick kiss before I hurriedly start throwing my clothes back on. By the time I've finished fastening my heels, I see that Arnold's already dressed, shoes and all, and sitting on the bed. I'm so glad he knows to follow my example. "Arnold, open the window. I'll take care of the door."

"Wait, _what_? Helga, are you implying that we should-"

"Escape from the window? Yep, you've got it!"

Arnold sighs as he does what I say. "But Helga, we're on the second floor. How are we going to get down?"

I unlock the door and grab the used condom from the trashcan. Wrapping it in so many tissues, I lose count, I shove it into my purse. As disgusting as this is, we need to hide the evidence. If it were anyone else's house, I wouldn't care. But _Rhonda's_? The _Gossip Queen_? Hell fucking _yes_ I will go to those extremes!

I turn to Arnold to see that his whole face is twisted in disgust. "Did you seriously just-"

"Do you _want_ Rhonda to find it?"

He rubs the back of his neck, smiling sheepishly. "Good point. But still, Helga. How are we going to-"

"Arnold, there are a bunch of trees surrounding this house. We're _going_ to find our way down."

He smirks at my words. "Whatever you say, Helga."

I match his smirk with one of my own. "You got it, Arnoldo. Whatever _I_ say. So what are we waiting for? Let's get the hell out of here!"

We end being very fortunate in that there's a colossal tree _just_ outside our guest room. Somehow we manage to climb down the tree without any injuries. Arnold - the dashing prince he is - catches me in his arms bridal style as I drop from the tree. Without putting me down, he makes a run for it, dashing across Rhonda's yard.

This _can't_ be happening.

But, sure enough it is. Those emerald eyes, that kind smile, that football-shaped head…Yeah, there's no mistaking it. He's _here_.

And as he carries me down the street, his pace a comfortable walk now that we're out of sight of Rhonda's house, both of us laughing our asses off, I realize something.

I sure as hell wouldn't have it any other way.

~ Fin ~


End file.
